bari sowa.

where we are now. b.sowa

Fri, 25 May 2012 19:25:58 -0600

where we are now.

~~b.sowa~~

it’s strange that words are so inadequate. b.sowa alaska,...

Sun, 15 Apr 2012 17:36:31 -0600

it’s strange that words are so inadequate.

~~b.sowa~~

alaska, 2012.

alaska, 2012 b.sowa

Mon, 09 Apr 2012 15:41:56 -0600

alaska, 2012

~~b.sowa~~

new mexico, 2012 b.sowa

Sun, 08 Apr 2012 22:11:27 -0600

new mexico, 2012

~~b.sowa~~

led zeppelin — boogie with stu [physical graffiti,...

Fri, 06 Apr 2012 15:06:00 -0600

led zeppelin — boogie with stu [physical graffiti, 1975]

… it’s friday.

stations of the cross. b.sowa

Fri, 06 Apr 2012 14:58:28 -0600

stations of the cross.

~~b.sowa~~

long shadows in burn country. b.sowa

Wed, 04 Apr 2012 14:54:08 -0600

long shadows in burn country.

~~b.sowa~~

still, small. b.sowa

Wed, 04 Apr 2012 12:42:22 -0600

still, small.

~~b.sowa~~

so runs the world away. b.sowa

Tue, 03 Apr 2012 19:48:00 -0600

so runs the world away.

~~b.sowa~~

youth lagoon — seventeen [the year of hibernation, 2011]

Sun, 18 Mar 2012 23:09:00 -0600

youth lagoon — seventeen [the year of hibernation, 2011]

a season of loss. photo: something single and solitary and...

Thu, 15 Mar 2012 15:59:00 -0600

a season of loss.

photo: something single and solitary and perfect.

song: ben howard — promise

somewhere, something amazing is waiting to be known. - carl sagan

my very first memory is from when i was three or four. i was with my family, we were outside and it must have been fourth of july because we had a big carton of sparklers. i remember watching mine burn and flash and bite in the summer air, the shrieks and laughs of my sisters echoing, and i remember being very, very still. i watched mine fade and die, and i remember looking up at the moon. at that age, like most children, i pictured the moon as a slice of something that changed shapes. i didn’t understand that the moon stayed the same but our perception and view of it changed. and for some reason, as i stood there with my stump of sparkler, barefoot, i realized for the first time that the whole moon was there, i just couldn’t see all of it. i could see the crescent and the very trace end of the sphere, but the majority of the moon was dark because i wasn’t in the right position to see the whole thing yet.

and that’s life. we see part of it, we’ve experienced part of it. part of it is tangible. many of us can see a trace outline of the end—we see goals and careers and maybe, eventually, getting married and having kids, or growing old and dying. but the middle part is so murky. a year from now, we could be somewhere completely different and we have no way of knowing. and it’s a little scary, a little unknown, a little adventurous. but it’s also sad, because in order to keep advancing the light across the surface of our lives, some things have to change.

and naturally things move and shift and burn bright, then die. we wax and wane and ebb and flow, just like the seasons and the moon. high tides, low tides, falling leaves. our lives are like fireworks, crackling and biting and spitting and shining, then fading ever so slowly. and sometimes we’re lucky—a long white streak marks the path of our departure. sometimes it’s just the smell of smoke. but either way, we leave remnants, even if it’s just the excitement, the sense that something just happened, in the air. molecules are energized and you and i are responsible for that. we changed something. we may have changed everything.

and maybe it’s something you’ll never know—whether or not you’ve changed something or everything—but, every once in a while, you meet someone who changes something, everything for you. sometimes they leave a tiny fingerprint on the windowpane of your life. some barely whisper before they have left, like a lover in the early morning. some announce their arrival and change the entire course of things, like a person showing up at a party with booze. either way, they’ve shifted your perspective, they changed the view, they made you realize that something new is on the horizon. something different.

and sometimes that’s sad.

and sometimes that’s hard, especially when you realize that it won’t be the same for forever. that it won’t stay. that the seasons in your life have to change, too, and sometimes the coming season is a season of loss. it’s like wearing the same outfit every day, but one morning it fits your body differently. oddly. like you’re dressing a stranger and don’t know their skeletal structure. like putting a shoe on the wrong foot.

it’s unimaginable at first, that you could go on without these things you’ve lost. that the very things that have accompanied and even carried you through so many seasons are suddenly fading. it happens so quickly. they burned so bright and hot and, suddenly, with a final flash of brilliance, they’re gone. and you’re there, standing with a stump of sparkler, barefoot, and you are very, very still. you breathe in the smoke of their existence for as long as possible and you finally admit that, though they’re gone, they’ve changed everything.

forever.

[originally posted in my column [soundscape] on knoxroad.com — music website and purveyor of everything good in this world. seriously.]

siouxsie and the banshees — sin in my heart [juju,...

Tue, 13 Mar 2012 23:58:00 -0600

siouxsie and the banshees — sin in my heart [juju, 1981]

for a long while [longer than i want to admit] i refused to listen to siouxsie and the banshees because i strongly disliked how she spelled her name. totally ridiculous [especially coming from someone named ‘bari’], and serves me right because i wasn’t able to enjoy this phenomenal track much, much sooner.

i’m such an asshole, it’s ridiculous.

ultravox! — young savage [7” single,...

Tue, 13 Mar 2012 22:20:00 -0600

ultravox! — young savage [7” single, 1977]

working-late-and-can’t-wait-for-summer music.

‘to live will be a great adventure.’ j.m. barrie new...

Wed, 08 Feb 2012 22:44:00 -0700

‘to live will be a great adventure.’ j.m. barrie

new mix is up — give it a listen, especially if you’re a little down tonight.

includes:

cleanse song — bright eyes

she’s a rainbow — the rolling stones

the twist — frightened rabbit

choir of angels — big white clouds

blood — the middle east

rococo — arcade fire

mr. november — the national

here comes your man — pixies

we love you — the psychedelic furs

outside looking in — bruce springsteen

rider — okkervil river

fantastic — electrelane

a-punk — vampire weekend

take you with me — french films

ho hey — the lumineers

fireworks — threes and nines

title: so much for so long. photo: party crashers song: 13th...

Tue, 31 Jan 2012 22:35:00 -0700

title: so much for so long.

photo: party crashers

song: 13th floor elevators — may the circle remain unbroken.

‘we don’t see things as they are; we see them as we are.’ - anais nin

pain is an amazing thing, really. obviously it’s terrible in a lot of ways; it’s difficult and it’s too close for comfort and its long-term effects take too long to process. some pain is fresh and some residual and some — more than we like to acknowledge — lasts forever. pain is a beautiful thing, however, because it indicates that something is wrong. when you’re sick, you know you need more vitamin c because your throat is sore. when you drink too much whiskey, your head hurts and cigarettes sound like the worst thing ever and usually induce some/more vomiting. you hydrate yourself and avoid any activity. you rest and eat left-over chinese food and spend $2.00 on a Gatorade. only sometimes do you postpone the inevitable with a hair-of-the-dog bloody mary or irish coffee. in the end, though, pain is beautiful because if you didn’t have the headache, you would never fix the problem.

other types of pain are more difficult to fix. you know something is wrong because your heart is broken, but you don’t want to fix the problem because part of the solution is realizing that someone has left your life — sometimes for forever — and you don’t know how to live with the fact that from now on, you’ll only have a ghost in your life.

the ghost consists of your memories of them. your memories with them. their favorite song and the way their clothes smelled and how they took their coffee. the way they smiled at you, the funny way they bit their lip when they were nervous.

their laugh.

it’s hard and it’s sad to think about, this ghost in your life; following you around forever like a balloon waiting to be released. and as one balloon turns into two balloons, six balloons, a collection of balloons, we grasp tightly to each string, desperate not to forget. desperate to preserve each detail, each line on their face. each joke and laugh and experience. each blade of grass from each walk through each city. we play it back like a movie and we know every line.

we know the whole soundtrack.

but i like to think that at the end of our lives we look around at all the ghosts who have walked with us — some much longer than others, some since the very beginning — and i like to think that we are grateful for them. grateful that they’re there and they have been the whole time. smiling at us. always unchanging, staying exactly the same — in the same clothes and with the same hairstyle that we remember or liked best. the old, faded shirt that always had a coffee stain down the front. some somber, some spiteful, some rude, some with the same shit-eating grin they always wore. the one you liked best. some tangible — almost like they’re actually there — and some transparent, only a brief memory. and i like to think that we smile at them one last time and then we let them go. our hands untether each little string, and the balloons go floating off. and we realize that they were never actually missing, we were just holding them in the wrong place. we were holding them tightly — too tightly — in our tiny, clenched fists instead of in our hearts, where they belonged.

and the pain was caused because we misplaced them — such a simple mistake, but one that took a lifetime to realize. and once we do, the pain goes away and we are finally grateful for it; everything is where it should be because it hurt so much for so long.

—

[originally posted in my column [soundscape] on knoxroad.com — music website and home to music label walk-in records. the madness ensues on their tumblr, too.]

“i loved her sundrily and all at once.” b.sowa

Wed, 25 Jan 2012 13:40:23 -0700

“i loved her sundrily and all at once.”

~~b.sowa~~

government knows best. b.sowa

Wed, 18 Jan 2012 13:13:00 -0700

government knows best.

~~b.sowa~~

for last year’s words belong to last year’s language...

Sat, 31 Dec 2011 15:16:00 -0700

for last year’s words belong to last year’s language and next year’s words await another voice. and to make an end is to make a beginning.’ - t.s. eliot

happy new year’s eve, friends.

well, kids, here it is: my wadidoLA interview. i’m pretty...

Tue, 27 Dec 2011 16:20:00 -0700

well, kids, here it is: my wadidoLA interview. i’m pretty pleased with the photos they selected to feature, however almost the entire thing is a misquote. for example, I never said ‘I’m not ready to make photography a full-time job yet.” - i believe my exact words were “bitches need to be paying me for this shit ASAP.” when asked ‘Where do you plan to take your photography in the future?’ i responded with ‘all the way to the motherfucking top.” … the fact that they deleted every single instance of me being incredibly hilarious, charming and self deprecating is frustrating, but hey, free publicity, right? :)

—-

WLA: When and why did you first get into photography?
BS: Photography was a happy accident. I never really considered it because I didn’t (and still don’t) own anything more advanced than a point and shoot camera. I felt like there were all of these prerequisites to ‘being’ a photographer - fancy gear being highest on the list. It took me a long time to realize that it’s not what you use, it’s what you shoot.

WLA: Do you have a day job?
BS: I do - I work as an editor for a marketing agency. It’s really fun, challenging work that inspires me everyday. At this point, I can’t imagine not having a ‘left brain’ type of job to counterbalance the primarily ‘right brain’ work involved in photography. When photography has been more of a business for me in the past, I always felt bogged down by the business side of things - which is sad, because I love business models and marketing stratagems and being entrepreneurial. I’ve just learned that those aspects have their time and place and I’m not ready to make photography a full-time job yet. I want to be able to enjoy it as a hobby for now. I’m early in my career and I don’t want to feel rushed into selling something that I’m still getting to know.

WLA: How would you describe your photographic style?
BS: I would describe it as minimalistic. I am drawn to clean lines and a lot of negative space, especially with portraiture. I feel like a lack of an integral component often times makes the piece stronger than it would be were that component included. I feel like it tells a different story; what’s missing in a person rather than what they have or how they are whole. Everybody’s missing something.

WLA: Where do you most like to shoot?
BS: I like shooting candid portraiture of people in their natural environment - wherever that may be. I’m not much of a landscape photographer, though when I am, I like to portray a sense of isolation and loneliness.

WLA: Can you name a favorite shoot, or a subject you really enjoyed shooting?

BS: My favorite, most exciting subject is my 6 year old niece. She always has been. There’s a funny thing about kids - they don’t mask their emotions. They just exist. And oftentimes, their feelings are so much sharper and more detailed than ours because they’ve not learned to cope or rationalize them, they just go minute by minute through their lives. It’s fantastic to be able to photograph that.

WLA: Are you working on any current projects?
BS: I am working on a curatorial project called The Public School which will combine music, design, photography, art, and inspiration in general. Often times I feel limited by photography, which is why I’m so insulated in my current column [soundscape] at Knoxroad.com - it combines music, photography and prose. I feel like one artistic vehicle isn’t enough to get me where I want to go emotionally.

WLA: Where do you plan to take your photography in the future?

BS: I’m currently obsessed with the idea of producing films. Wherever my photography ends up, I want it to move a person. Change the way they felt from before they experienced it.

—-

self. b.sowa

Thu, 22 Dec 2011 11:29:52 -0700

self.

~~b.sowa~~